The Tinii

It's plural for Tinius, because we said so.


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Jacksonville… A crazy place.- Josh

We decided to make the 15 mile trek off the ICW to Jacksonville.  You can dock right downtown for three nights!  We are poor. There is no way we could pass up three free nights!

After getting cleaned up we went to the Mexican restaurant right behind our boat at the downtown docks.  While we were shoveling chips and salsa into our mouths like a Saint Bernard that hasn’t seen a meal in three days a homeless man walked by.  He was wearing scrubs and socks, but no shoes.  We couldn’t figure out if he was just homeless, or if he had actually escaped from a mental institution.  Why would he be in scrubs and socks but no shoes??  And his scrubs looked pretty clean for a homeless man…  But I digress.

After we finished eating we went back to the boat and put in a movie.  We were so exhausted that neither of us made it more than fifteen minutes in before falling asleep.  About two in the morning Allison shook me awake freaking out a little bit.  I was a bit disoriented at first. After a second I heard why she was freaking out.  At these free downtown docks there is a lower level with the actual floating docks and right behind is a boardwalk about 5 feet above them.  Standing on that boardwalk directly above our boat was a homeless man singing.  Singing a song about our boat. Opera Style.

HERE THEY SIT

SLEEPING IN THEIR BOAT

WHERE WILL THEY GO

DON’T NOBODY KNOW

SOUTH OR NORTH

WHICH WAY WILL THEY GO

NO BODY KNOW

The song went on for about 10 minutes.  But those are all the lyrics I can remember.

Then when his song was finished he says, “Good night” as if he was talking to a crowd at a concert, “I love you”.

Then around four in the morning.  We hear a woman yelling into her phone, “I’ll cut your head off!”

She continued to yell for about ten minutes before moving further down the boardwalk.  In case you are wondering- No, we don’t have a gun on the boat. We do however have a spearfishing gun and throwing stars.  Why do we have throwing stars??  I’m really not sure…  I think I bought them in Gatlinburg one time.

That night we were meeting up with an old friend and planned on going on a “Short evening sail”.

The weather was perfect!

The weather was perfect!

The wind was just right!

The wind was just right!

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We even saw mermaids and other magical sea creatures!

We sailed for about an hour and then decided to head back to the dock and go grab some food.  On the way back my friend Kevin was driving while Allison and I put up the sails. We didn’t really give him any directions such as “stay inside the buoys”  so we ended up running aground.  Really hard aground.  No big deal, I mean we paid for a Boat US membership which includes free tows whenever you need it.  We called them and they said they would send someone.  We had just seen a Boat US tow boat go by minutes earlier.  A few minutes later they called and informed us that it would be an hour and a half before someone could get there. Then about fifteen minutes later the tow captain that was supposed to be on his way called us and said “High tide will probably get you unstuck before I get there.  Just call back if you don’t get unstuck.”  High tide was not until 11:30pm.  About 10:00 it became obvious that high tide was not going to do anything to help us.  We called him back and he finally headed out to get us.

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As a side note- I know that if your an old salt out there reading this you are probably thinking “I was once stuck aground for 3 days off the coast of the Azores in gale force winds while pirate cannons were splashing all around us.” Well…  My friends had to be at work at 7:00 AM and I might as well use the Boat US as much as possible to make sure I get my moneys worth.

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Needless to say out “Short evening sail” turned into the pilot episode of Gilligan’s Island.  We were out there for a total of six hours.  And we never got dinner…

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The Boat Diet

I discovered the key to happiness, skinny-ness, and possibly wealth. It’s called The Boat Diet. I can’t say I discovered it. Pirates probably did that, but they hadn’t perfected it and died of scurvy. Although not the discoverer, I can be the multi millionaire who writes a book about it, gets on Oprah, and creates an over night sensation. I mean, didn’t cavemen invent Paleo? They weren’t the ones to make money off of it though.

So here it is….

Are you feeling sluggish and stressed out?

Need to lose those few extra pounds?

What if I told you I knew the key to solving all your problems?

What if I told you that in a few short months I could have you tan, skinny, and relaxing in the sun without having to even think about working out or watching what you eat.

See...eat whatever you want.

You too can eat this….

...yet have a body like this.

…yet have a body like this.

Look how tan we are!

Look how tan we are!

It’s not impossible…it’s the boat diet.

First, buy a sailboat. A trawler might work but not as well. And don’t get too nice of a boat. If you’re too comfortable this won’t work. Preferably no hot water, no air conditioning, and an engine that conks out every once in awhile to keep you on your toes.

Now, quit your job, move out of your house, and onto this boat. Head somewhere warm. Not warm – hot actually. That way all you can really wear is a swimsuit so you’re constantly aware of that belly. Not in a bad way. It’ll be gone so fast, wearing the swimsuit is a good thing. Being aware will make you happy.

Oh, I forgot to mention the boat shouldn’t have a fridge, just an icebox. Now stock the boat and icebox with goodies. Wine, beer, cookies, pasta…all the stuff you couldn’t have on a regular diet but can totally have on this one.

Sounding good, right?

So off you go…to the tropics.

Heading south to hot weather...

Heading south to hot weather…

Your boat is gonna break down a few times. There’s a workout right there…sweating on a breezeless day, squeezing into weird boat spaces, trying to get bolts off that have been in place since 1975…who needs reps with weights?

War wounds from contorting and squeezing into boat spaces that were meant for lifejackets - not humans.

War wounds from contorting and squeezing into boat spaces that were meant for lifejackets – not humans.

Squeezing a flame arrestor onto a carburetor...aka an arm and chest workout.

Squeezing a flame arrestor onto a carburetor…aka an arm and chest workout.

Then you’ll go for a few sails. Not only will you be pulling up sails and getting another great ARM workout, but the boat will be heeled over and rocking…can you say CORE WORKOUT?

Now, anytime you want to get off the boat you have to climb a ladder and over lifelines. And if you wanna go to sleep you have to hike yourself up and into the v-berth. There are your legs for the day.

You wake up and put on your swimsuit and sweat off all your water weight all day. However, you’re also getting that tan I promised.

Navigating buoys AND getting a tan.

Navigating buoys AND getting a tan.

It’s so hot that you don’t want any beer or wine…just water. Remember how I said you could have anything you wanted…you can…you just won’t want it.

You’re so stressed out sailing, or navigating buoys, or fixing engines that you forget to eat so you grab an apple.

You have to anchor, so you pull a 30lb danforth up and down a few times – or you have to dock and literally stop an 8000 lb boat from hitting the dock with nothing but your newly found brute strength.

It’s late, you’re tired, but you’re on the ocean and there’s fresh seafood so you through some on the grill. You eat about three pieces of shrimp and more fruit because its hot and you’re tired.

The next day you wake up to do it all over again but 5 pounds lighter and with more muscle!

It is a lot of work, but eventually you’ll start relaxing and enjoying things. You’re engine kinks will start to work out, you’ll get better at docking and anchoring, and you’ll start to eat more.

THEN…you have to walk, or bike, or longboard everywhere because you don’t have a car. So, you might be able to eat pasta and have wine for dinner now…but you’ll have to longboard at least 2 miles because people are dumb and don’t put grocery stores where you need them.

Longboarding for groceries.

Longboarding for groceries.

Aftermath of longboarding for groceries...

Aftermath of longboarding for groceries…

There it is…The Boat Diet! All you have to do is buy a boat, drop everything, and sail away….


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Fernandina Beach aka FINALLY back to society – By:Allison

It had been a hot minute since we’d been anywhere of any substance. Meaning – anywhere we could buy ice and coffee. That’s how we determine society nowadays. Our boat only has an icebox, and we hadn’t had ice since we left Sunbury. Between that and groceries running low we were pretty ready to be back among people even though the wild horses were good company for awhile.

We made the whopping hour trip to Fernandina Beach and picked up a mooring ball at the Fernandina Harbor Marina. This was our first mooring ball and I was nervous, but it was pretty uneventful.

We immediately freshened up and took the dinghy into town. The best part of Fernandina was the food, by far! There are a ton of places to eat. Our favorite was a little Cuban place called Hola. It was really inexpensive and DELICIOUS.

A plate full of fried goodness doesn't look that pretty, but we all know looks can be deceiving.

A plate full of fried goodness doesn’t look that pretty, but we all know looks can be deceiving.

They have a free concert series over the summer that was going on Friday night, so we got to see that too.

Music downtown

Music downtown

The best part of all was the fact that there was a farmer’s market (FRUIT…finally!) and ice at the marina.

We left Fernandina and headed down to Jacksonville where we are now. We have lots of fun stories on this place so stay tuned…


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A blog about nothing- Josh

Before we left on the boat Allison and I hit up the Used DVD and bookstore.  Allison and I have a tendency to get addicted to shows and spend way too much time watching entire seasons in a matter of days.  So instead of going for the nail biters like Breaking Bad or Mad Men we decided to go more in the classic sitcom direction.  We got shows like Cheers, Friends, Mash, and Seinfeld.  Believe it or not, I have never really watched Seinfeld.  It was on sometimes, but always just in the background.  Now that I have actually watched it, it seems to apply to every aspect of my life.

Like my wallet…

wallet

Just like George Costanza’s exploding wallet episode.

Then the other day we were getting Cuban food and I started drinking soda through a straw.  It was kind of like when Elaine started eating Snickers with a knife and fork because she saw her boss doing it.

soda

I kinda like drinking soda through a straw…

And don’t even get me started on the shrinkage episode…


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A not so little storm and wild horses – By: Allison & Josh

WARNING: We are tag teaming the post. I’ll preface each section with who wrote what. We made an agreement that we will not fix, edit, correct, or yell at each other for what the other one wrote.

Allison:

We definitely decided against going ashore at Frederica. Josh was itching to move again, so we geared up for a big day of motoring down the ICW to Cumberland Island. There was still a chance of storms around, but what the heck.

We got past Jekyll Island and the sky started turning dark. St.Andrew’s Sound was coming up. There was another boat we’d followed off and on during the past two days and he seemed like he was going to go for it so we decided to as well. St.Andrew’s Sound basically cuts all the way to the ocean and then you make a sharp right turn back up into the north side of Cumberland Island. We knew the conditions could get rough but it looked like a small storm on the radar and we were making good time. The seas kept building and the winds got worse. Everything got packed away and out came the rain gear….

Josh:

So Allison and I together decided that we couldn’t go ashore at Fort Frederica because the dinghy dock was completely on land except for two hours before and after high tide.  We would have had to wait until 2pm and would have had to waist another day completely.  On top of that we were starting to run out of provisions and didn’t want to have to travel on the July 4th.

When we got to St. Andrews sound the weather started getting rough, but, nothing too bad.  Then it started getting really bad! It was just like on deadliest catch.  The bow of the boat would point toward the sky then crash under the waterline.  The splash would fly back to the cockpit like a Water Ride at an amusement park.  There was another boat that was a couple hundred yards away from us.  It was crazy seeing what was happening to us happen to another boat.  The wave would lift the boat up and then it looked just like the boat would just sail into the air and drop.  I tried to get Allison to give me the gopro (so I could prove that
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