The Tinii

It's plural for Tinius, because we said so.

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Asshole Husbands and How to Kill Them- By an Asshole Husband

I was just looking at the site stats for our blog and noticed that people have been finding our blog by searching “Asshole husbands and how to kill them”.

My Stats

I was wondering if maybe Allison was writing some blog posts that I didn’t know about so I decided to google it myself. I mean if Allison is writing blogs about how to murder husbands I should probably read them. I was expecting to find our blog several pages deep in the internet jungle, however, when I looked it up we were the first thing that popped up online!

asshole husbands and how to kill them   Google Search

I should probably take this opportunity to encourage people against slaughtering their spouse.  Not only is homicide illegal, it is also unkind.

Also, if you do plan on offing your husband, you really shouldn’t google it.  Anyone who has ever watched the ID Channel knows that!  

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Day 1 on the ICW-By Josh and Allison

Yesterday was crazy. It was awesome, it was intimidating, it was my childhood Treasure Island fantasies come true (that sounds dirty), but most of all it was worth it.
We shoved off from Marsh Harbor boatyard at 9:00 am.  Said goodbye to the friends we had made over the past several weeks and were off.  About two miles from the boatyard is a drawbridge.  Just as the bridge was opening for us our engine died. We hailed the bridge on the vhf and told them not to hold it open for us. We got the engine started quickly and went to anchor nearby to steady our nerves a bit. We
decided to try again, but guess what? Engine died again. Once again it started back up quickly. At this point Josh figured out it was dying when we pushed the engine too hard. The mechanic had adjusted things a bit and we were giving it too much gas for the new tweaks. So we tooled around in am open area for a solid 45 minutes to make sure that was it. Another boat was coming through northbound so we radioed in to let them know we’d be trying one more time. Josh thought it was funny to say, “Is it third time’s the charm or three strikes your out.” Allison did not think that was funny, but it turns out third time is indeed the charm. We made it through!

Before we knew it we were in a beautiful open sound! We both kept saying it was all worth it. We got the the north side of Hilton Head island and were following the buoys well, until Josh decided not to listen to Allison’s awesome navigational skills. We ran aground…like barely…but couldn’t get off and didn’t feel like waiting. Luckily we had just purchased our Boat US membership with unlimited towing and Allison sort of wanted to get our money’s worth anyway so we went ahead and called them. A really nice guy came from Boat US, hauled us off in 5 minutes, and then showed us the best place to anchor for the night.

Anchoring went well although you wouldn’t know that from the way Allison acted. She was so nervous, she barely slept (and kept josh awake all night as well) and checked our coordinates constantly.

Guess what, we didn’t move!

Now we are sitting here plotting our next course of action. Hopefully we’ll make it most of the way to Savannah.





A childhood dream come true By:Allison

When I was probably eight years old, my friend Amber had chickens. Growing up we had lots of garden space and goats as well, but never chickens. This seemed odd to eight year old me. Why not have free eggs and cute baby chicks running around? I had long given up on my campaign for a horse, but chickens – that seemed reasonable. So I approached my parents with my plans to forego the lemonade stand and instead to raise chickens and sell the eggs.

They shot down my dreams so fast.

Later, I tried to pull off the “It’ll be a 4-H project” thing. That didn’t work either. So I tucked my dream away and told myself that when I was a grown up – my chicken dreams would come true.

Fast forward to marriage. I just assumed that Josh would be up for chickens. He’s up for anything. We moved into our current house and I was ready! Guess what?

Josh shot my dreams down too.

It was looking like chickens were a long lost dream. I started petitioning our fantastic neighbors, Klint and Kyle. I mean, they play country music. Chickens in your yard can ONLY add to your country cred, right? I thought that THEY could get the chickens and I could help out. They wouldn’t be in my yard, but they’d be my chickens, you know?

But it’s hard when you’re the only one breathing life into a dying dream.

Enter, Casey and Savannah. These friends of ours will be renting out our house when we leave for our adventure. Casey and Savannah were feeling the chicken vibe as a big middle finger to Monsanto and The Man. Casey, though, has two labs who probably couldn’t be trusted with chickens. So I mentioned my little idea about putting them in Klint and Kyle’s yard. And let me tell you, those girls not only breathed life back into my dream on it’s last gasps of life – they rushed to the scene and performed CPR and busted out those weird electric paddle things and before I knew it, we were on a farm in Bethpage, Tn chilling with goats…


And dogs…



And getting ourselves 6 amazing chickens! Meet the Joyce Lane Hens…

ImageThe only part of the dream that wasn’t great was having to ride next to a dog crate full of chickens and their excrement.

ImageWe even built them this adorable chicken coop out of an old shed.



Yeah, I know I’m leaving Nashville in a few weeks. But, the chickens will hopefully be kicking it when I return. Plus I think I’ll have access to chickens in Haiti too, so I’ll live. Thanks to Klint and Kyle for providing the yard and muscle. And Casey and Savannah for getting this up and going. And Grace (their new third roomie) for also promising to care for the Joyce Lane Hens.

So here’s my word of advice. When you have a dying dream, surround yourselves with people who will fight for it. No matter how silly it may seem.




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An Alabama Easter By:Allison

For Easter, Josh and I spent some time in Alabama since Catholic Charities gives us a lot of time off during that week. I can’t say enough good things about where I grew up. It’s heaven. There’s acres and acres of woods, creeks, and ponds. Our friend, Klint, came down as well and on Saturday we honestly spent the entire day outdoors except for lunch.

The weekend began with meeting this adorable little nugget…Scout. Technically she’s



my puppy-niece and she’s stinking cute. Saturday, we woke up ate breakfast and immediately went fishing. Of course, I was the only one who caught nothing. I could literally see the fish giving my bait the middle finger while practically jumping into everyone else’s arms. I switched to a jelly worm and finally got a bite only to lose the fish. I gave up. I basically opted to run errands for everyone and drive the mule around while also playing with Scout. It was a little upsetting, but I recovered.


Making the floating nonsense

Next, in true Alabama fashion we had to blow something up. We had some tannerite to shoot, so we (being the boys) made up this contraption. It. Took. Forever. They planned and schemed how to get the ultimate show. Basically they wanted something to float out in the pond. This required finding flotation devices, then finding something to make a platform out of that wouldn’t sink said flotation devices, then finding that last little touch of something to make it more fun. In this case, the last little something was yard art in the form of a frog. The explosion was fun and all, but I think the time put into creating it was more fun in the end.

Taking the contraption out to meet its doom.

Taking the contraption out to meet its doom.






So the day and really the entire weekend involved a lot of cute dogs, shooting guns, fishing, frying up those fish, and hanging out with family. That is pretty much my idea of perfection!

Straight craziness.

Straight craziness.









This is why your mom warned you about potato guns!- By Josh

A couple nights ago my neighbor Klint and I were bored and thought that it would be fun to build a potato gun.  We ran to home depot and twenty minutes later we had a pretty large potato gun.  IMAG1304


That night we shot just about everything we could find that we thought we could blow a hole in, including…


A beer can.




Closet doors.

Not to mention…


Klint and Kyle’s shed!




So a couple days later a few of my friends from the Congo came over.  I thought I would impress them by showing them my potato gun.



After the back of the gun exploded I was scared to even look at my finger because I didn’t think there was any chance it would still be attached to my hand.  Thankfully it was!


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The Details on The Year of Adventure By:Allison

So, here are more details on our upcoming adventure since Josh’s description was … uh…lacking pretty much any description.

Our last day at work is April 19th. So sad! It’s going to be super hard to say goodbye, but it’s time. Everyone and their mother is asking us about a going away party – because word has gotten around that the Tinii are pretty awesome party throwers. Makes me wonder if people are going to miss us or our parties. A coworker and friend suggested a night where we eat tons of sambusa and host some Somali dance crews made up of the kids from our afterschool program. That seems like quite possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard. Does anyone know if Haiti has something similar to sambusa? If not, I’m going to need to learn how to make it because I refuse to live an entire year of my live without it.

So after work ends, our amazing friends from church will be moving into our house by May 1st. Which means that we should be feverishly packing up our belongings. Eh.

As soon as things are lined up, the plan is to have our sailboat shipped to Savannah so we can take a few months to just chill. We have stressful jobs where we work with kids and will then be moving to a stressful country to work with more kids. We need an extended vacay between the two. Hopefully during that time we’ll also be learning Creole!

Once we are fluent in Creole, we’ll be moving to Port-au-Prince, Haiti to come alongside The Salvants at New Hope Haiti Mission. We’ll be homeschooling the Salvants’ kids, living in their backyard (in a house not like just crashing in their yard…which probably still wouldn’t surprise anyone, haha), and helping out however we can at the orphanage. That will probably mean teaching English and helping with teams and who knows what else! One of the things that really makes us excited about working with the Salvants is the “flexibility” of what we’ll be doing outside of the school day. For those of ya’ll who know us, you know we’re pretty much up for anything all of the time. It seems like the Salvants recognized that and are ready to put that attitude to use! I am thoroughly excited about homeschooling. I love teaching and planning and all that goes along with it. I had a great experience homeschooling as did Josh and we hope we can give the Salvants’ kids just as good of an experience with school. They may even come out of the year with a few new hobbies if Josh has anything to say…building potato guns is science, right?

Because I like making lists, I’m going to subject you to the little things I am most excited about right now besides the obvious big things:

  • Friends moving into our house who will love and enjoy our neighbors and neighborhood, and continue the tradition of awesomeness in that home.
  • Learning a language
  • Not having to experience winter for a WHOLE YEAR
  • Eating pikliz and plantains
  • Being near a beach again
  • Working really closely with a family who has been through international adoption because Josh and I will hopefully start that process before our friends are all having grand kids and leaving us in the dust.
  • Living next door to a family WHO PRETTY MUCH ALL PLAY THE UKELELE. Yeah, that’s right. We bought a banjolele and that day we found out the Salvants are a musical fam and a lot of them play the ukelele. We might become Haiti’s first ukelele band.
  • Eating fresh conch more than I get to here which is never.
  • Having access to chickens. I am more excited about this than anyone ever should be. The orphanage has chickens and April mentioned that they might get some too. Ya’ll, I have wanted chickens my whole life. My parents wouldn’t get them when we were little (along with not letting me have a horse or a snake, lame) and my husband won’t let me get them now. But God CLEARLY wants this girl to have chickens even if He has to move me to Haiti to get them.
  • Hopefully getting to see our friend Caleb who lives in Jacmel!
  • Getting my craft on with April who I just found out likes to get her craft on.
  • Mangoes

I’m realizing a lot of my feelings are revolving around food.

On a side note, all of you should plan your vacations this summer to wherever we are on the East Coast and if your vacation time is going to be after August…COME TO HAITI.

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The Year of The Adventure By:Josh

Just wanted to let everybody know….it’s official….


That’s a joke. It freaked me out just to type that word.

But we did quit our jobs.

Next we’re gonna live on our boat for a few months.

Then in August, we are moving to Haiti to teach these American kids.  Lol.

We are calling it The Year of The Adventure…and we love adventures…blog

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The Joy of the Police Scanner App By:Allison

For those of you who didn’t know, I am from a little slice of heaven in South Alabama. I grew up on a bunch of property with grandparents and cousins for neighbors. I had the most idealistic childhood you can imagine – if you imagine life through the lens of a redneck.

Best next door neighbor ever. Also I look straight up homeless.

Best next door neighbor ever. Also I look straight up homeless.

I use the term redneck in the most endearing way possible. I have so many great childhood memories. Some of my memories are easy to relate to – playing outside with cousins, selling lemonade, Sunday dinners with grandparents. Others, however, only a select few can relate to. Namely, other redneck/country/southern types.

See, great redneck memory. Forget the stereotype of classless Alabamians not wearing shoes...I pretty much never wore clothes.

See, great redneck memory. Forget the stereotype of classless Alabamians not wearing shoes…I pretty much never wore clothes.

For instance, Brady (my younger brother) and I did sell lemonade. Then we got some business sense and realized that we needed to cater to our market a little better. Who drove down our road the most? Farmers and family members. So we picked long pieces of grass, tied it in bundles, and marketed it as hay. I think we even wrote a sign that said something like, “Could also be used to start a fire.” We did sell a bundle to a family member who felt bad for us  appreciated our business sense and probably had a fire that needed starting.

Yup, that's my slice of heaven

Yup, that’s my slice of heaven

Then there’s the time the my childhood best friend has these amazing goats (we had goats too, but not this amazing) and they were smart enough to walk on leashes and stuff. So we did just that. Down the road. Probably barefoot. I’m sure everyone who passed thought, “Bless the hearts of those poor children whose parent’s won’t get them dogs!” We thought we (and the goats) were awesome.

Another rather fond memory I have of childhood is sitting at the “kid’s table” at Grandma and Pa’s listening to the police scanner. Go ahead, laugh. You only laugh because you don’t know what a great thing a police scanner can be.  Pa had one and so did his brother, Leon (or Paw Paw as I knew him). Paw Paw listened to his while sitting in his garage smoking and drinking beer. That feels way more appropriate than sitting at the kids table letting the grandkids listening to crime as it happens.

Pretty sure Teri Lee and I would have preferred a Barbie Jeep.

Pretty sure Teri Lee and I would have preferred a Barbie Jeep. Please note the little head peeping over my shoulder. We piled FOUR of us into that thing. And when our little brothers complained we tied them into the back with a belt.

In the South – or out in the country anywhere for that matter – people know everyone’s business. It’s just part of life. If a police car flies down our road that means that someone we know is in trouble. So, you follow it. The brilliant thing about a police scanner is that (if your family/friends forgot to call you BEFORE the police) you can find out what’s happening without chasing down emergency vehicles. This is a nosy concerned person’s dream come true.

The idea of knowing everything that is going on in my community never left me. In fact, I think it instilled a very important set of skills in me but that’s another post. Basically I could totally be a private investigator. So now, I find myself living and working in East Nashville. If you aren’t from Nashville, this neighborhood can get a bad rap for being rough. Before hipsters started taking it over it was I guess. Now it’s getting artsier by the minute. There’s still housing projects here and lots of affordable housing too. The main stretch is dotted with discount beer and tobacco shops and enough Hair Words to live up to their name and actually supply weave to the whole world. It’s certainly colorful and diverse and fantastic. It’s crimes are also colorful and there is a pretty obvious police presence.

Enter my love of the police scanner.

One day, Josh and I saw a bunch of police cars flying down Gallatin. Chasing emergency vehicles down your back country road is one thing, but down a busy street in the city is just dumb (and I think illegal). My curiosity was very high, though. Then, God himself (probably) reached down from the heavens and gave me the most amazing idea. “I bet there is a police scanner app.” Whoa. It was like a fist bump from Jesus.

And I was right.

Jesus changed my life when I was baptized at eight AND on that day on Gallatin Road when he led me to the police scanner app.

I quickly downloaded the best app you can ever download, turned it on, and a wave of childhood memories came rushing back. I could almost smell Paw Paw’s beer and cigarettes as I realized that I will never escape my roots. Every single person should download the app before judging me too harshly. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself forcing your husband to pull into the Kroger parking lot in the middle of 10 police cars while you listen to the details of the assault & robbery that just occurred in the Citi Trends next door (then you might wonder if you know the person, look up the arrest records the next day, and then find their facebook). Or trying to convince everyone to drive a few blocks over to watch the police escort a 16 year old run away out of his girlfriend’s house and back home – because his mom found out where he was staying. Nashville has so much more potential for police scanner entertainment than South Alabama where police scanners basically amount to snooping on family and church members.

So call me a redneck or nosy or crazy. Just don’t get mad when I don’t invite you to the viewing party the day I finally strike gold and the police raid Robert Plant’s East Nashville home. Or perhaps they get called because between T-Swift and her latest song subject boyfriend are arguing too loud.

My Alabama roots serve me well so often, and that will be the day they serve me best.

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How we ended up with a dog OR The worst day of Josh’s life By:Allison

I wanted to blog about how weird cat people can be. No offense, cat people. Some of my closest friends prefer cats, but the percentage of weirdos in the cat lover’s circle is significantly higher than in the dog lover’s circle.  Just search etsy for “cat”. It comes up with the strangest things.

So, I’m “not allowed” to blog about crazy cat people (cough…Josh…cough). You know the Tinii, we keep things classy (news to me).

Instead of showing you all the glorious things cat people come up with, I’m going to tell you about how in the world we ended up with a dog.

Josh doesn’t hate dogs, but he definitely doesn’t love them (Don’t worry, he’s not a weirdo cat lover).

I had been sort of wanting a dog for some time, but didn’t dare bring it up. I had already convinced Josh I needed a rabbit (that’s a whole other story that involves Jen Smith, bad ideas, and lots of crazy people) and I knew that he would shut down the dog idea quickly (he’s sounding like a control freak in this post between not wanting me to have a dog and not wanting me to blog about cat stuff).

So like Mary, I pondered it in my heart.

We were at Centennial Park and someone there had a wolfhound. My heart MELTED. I adore big dogs! To my shock and surprise Josh just said, “We can get a dog if it’s one of those.”

Done and done.

I searched and searched for a wolfhound or a mix. Unfortunately, wolfhounds are as costly as they are big. Coming from a family whose pets were always rescuses, strays, or free I was not about to pay $2000 for a dog that lives six years and suffers from a bunch of health issues.

So I then convinced Josh that as long as it was a BIG dog we were looking at, it would still be cool. Convinced is an exaggeration. I sort of just convinced myself I had convinced him.  So we switched the search a little. We is an exaggeration too. Josh was losing interest. I had to act fast.

Here were my requirements: Big, Calm demeanor, intelligent, likes water (I mean he’s going to live on a boat, right).

Here’s what we ended up with: Captain Johann Georg Tinius.

His “profile” said “Newfoundland, extra large (up to 120 pounds), 4 months old.”

We went to get him and the rescue lady said he was 34 pounds. That’s pretty big for 16 weeks, we thought. He was all fluffy and jowly and precious. The girl who had him said he was smart. SOLD. “We’ll take him.” I proudly answered.

“Oh, maybe he’s older than we thought. Maybe he’s six months.”

“Oh, he might not be a Newfoundland. He might be a flat coated retriever”

Within 30 seconds of saying we’d take him, his potential to be Nana from Peter Pan diminished greatly. In fact, he went from the possibility of being a calm and gently giant to being Peter Pan himself. No, seriously, Flat Coated Retrievers are described as Peter Pan dogs because they NEVER GROW UP.

But what could we do? We picked him up from the vet a few days later, still holding out hope they were wrong and that he was indeed going to be a massive beast of a dog. We named him after Josh’s serial killing ancestor to instill fear in the hearts of those who would meet him. We looked for spiked collars and listened for his first intimidated bark.

Captain is not intimidating. He is annoyingly friendly. He’s about 60 pounds soaking wet. He’s rarely soaking wet though because he doesn’t like swimming. He knocks over little children and sits on other dogs. He’s an a**hole.

But I love him. We’re not sure WHAT kind of dog he is, and Josh has only experienced a mild affection toward him, like, three times since we’ve had him. He LOVES Josh though. Which means he follows him around incessantly, won’t get out of his face, and is always trying to lick his feet.

But that’s how we ended up with Captain – on the worst day of Josh’s life.

Aren’t you glad I didn’t blog about how cat people can sometimes do really weird things?


The Beginning. By:Allison

For our very first post on our very first joint blog, we could tell you all about ourselves (or you could read our “About Me”). We could tell you all about the boat we bought and plan to live on for a year (that’s a whole post of it’s own and a ridiculous story). We could tell you about our jobs (that’s lame even though the jobs aren’t), or where we’ve traveled (that’s pretentious), or where we’re from (one guess, Roll Tide).

Instead, I thought we’d compare our bucket lists. Hopefully, by the time we are old and grey, and “blogs” are things we did back in the good ‘ol days…all these things will be memories instead of hopes and this old fashioned blog will be fun to look back on.

Josh’s Bucket List

  • See the gorillas in central africa
  • Learn to play the saxophone (all good music has a saxophone)
  • Own my own business
  • Learn Swahili
  • Adopt children
  • See Angkor Wat
  • Sail across the Atlantic Ocean
  • Live on hundreds of acres with my friends and live off the land

Allison’s Bucket List

  • Travel to lots of places (Morocco, Turkey, Cambodia, Ethiopia to name a few)
  • Adopt kids
  • Learn another language
  • Buy a bunch of property with friends/family
  • Have a successful garden
  • Learn to quilt and make at least ONE finished one
  • Play the banjo
  • See the gorillas in central africa
  • Have a horse
  • Write a children’s book